People in my life know my kids and my husband! But most people in my life don’t truly understand my families struggles which are mostly my oldest sons struggles! Balancing a life with two boys 15 months apart would be hard for anyone right? But balancing a life with a 5 year old son with Autism and a 4 year old son without, is a completely different ball game. How do you structure your household when you need to congratulate your youngest for achievements that your oldest has yet to achieve? How do you punish your youngest for behaviors that your oldest child does out of sensory irregularities? How do you balance the need to be everything for your children and still be enough for your spouse and your marriage?
These all are just some of my daily to day struggles! Right now ABA therapy is here working with my son to understand basic words, while my youngest is trying to be apart of what he thinks is fun. While my youngest just wants to be involved with therapy, I know that it disrupts the process my oldest could make if he could concentrate without his brother. To watch your child struggle with understanding that “table” is a word that can be used for many kinds of tables and not just the kitchen table, is unbearable.
I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my boys and be a mom in two very different worlds. But some days I struggle knowing if I am doing the right thing. Will my oldest be held back in his progress because he always has his mother to protect him and love him? Or will he thrive because he is able to do therapy in a very loving environment? Will my youngest resent me for all the attention given to his brother? Or will he focus on every little time he was able to have individual time with his mommy playing trains and Toy Story?
When it comes down to the basic fibers of my families lives, there is no one way suits all lifestyle. My husband and I make DAILY decisions that will impact both of our boys lives everyday. That struggle to make the right one will never go away, but we try to live day to day focusing on our family and our love. Some people have success with one form of lifestyle-while others succeed in the opposite way. I am constantly struggling with my disappointment in what I thought I would be able to do for my children, and the sheer joy of celebrating the little accomplishments as they come to us.