Ok so here is the deal….
As a parent of one child with Autism and one without I feel like I have a foot in both worlds these days. Managing the day to day struggles of what one kid needs vs what the other kid needs is a battle intake on daily.
Recently I had someone I know messaging me online asking me questions about how I get all my son’s cool “toys.” When I was talking to this individual she was telling me how much her child with SPD needs a place like my son has so that if he gets overwhelmed he can escape and go to a calming environment. We talked for awhile back and forth and nothing was that bad yet. Until the conversation took a turn and I got very upset fast.
You see I sent this mom a couple links to websites we shop on for our children designed for children with special needs. She proceeded to go on there and look at some of the items we have for our kids and then messaged me saying that she could never afford those items for her kid. Not so bad right? Well what to follow was her asking very brass like how my husband and I could EVER afford them as well since we have to make around the same money and we only have one income. IT GETS WORSE…..
First off someone else’s finances are no ones business in my opinion so it should have never gotten to this level. Then I told her that until the last 3 months my family, husband, and I had been buying EVERYTHING ourselves but have finally started to get a little help through a state ran program that allows for a small amount of money to be used on therapy and medical needs for the year. The next thing out of her mouth was the straw that DESTROYED the camels back. She said ” You are so LUCKY your son has a diagnosis of Autism and you guys can get financial help.” “My son’s diagnosis of SPD doesn’t get him any help.”
EXCUSE ME?? Now I try my best to be the best Christian I can and in this case this lady was very lucky that we were messaging back in forth on Facebook because if we were talking in person and I had to reply right away I probably would have lost it. If you think that the trade off of having a few hundred dollars of help towards toys is worth the struggles please take a second to understand ALL that is involved in a child’s life with Autism. Ya our house is fun as SHIT and we have so many cool things, but most of those cool things were bought gently used or bought as gifts from grandparents. And yes my husband and I buy a lot for our boys BUT we don’t buy anything for ourselves.
We believe that right now we don’t matter in that area and some people might think thats crazy to let your kids have it all but we don’t. We feel like our money is better spent taking cards of our kids EVERY need even if it involves toys. Our son has a FULL time job with school and therapy and he is stuck at home Monday-Friday with therapies. So making our home a safe and fun learning environment is our most important goal. And when you are telling me you can afford some toy yet you are always buying the newest and coolest everything I don’t feel sorry for you.
In life it’s all about priorities. Want vs need. And when you are evaluating your priorities you get to pick how they rank in your life. What you don’t get to do is start saying ignorant crap to people when you don’t understand their life. I am thankful God kept me calm when inside my blood was boiling. I’m proud of the way my husband and I parent and how our boys are being raised. And I will not feel bad about anything we have been blessed with. We truly appreciate all we have been blessed with and we pass on our blessings all the time.
So if you know a family like us please just think about things before saying how lucky they are for the stuff they have, or how lucky they are their kids don’t talk yet. These things may seem crazy to be picky about but if you truly knew their lives you would understand how heart breaking these statements are.