Well we are just under two months away from Brodyn’s 4th birthday and last year when he turned 3 and was still not talking I made a goal list for the next year. I feel like every year he gets older I feel broken. Obviously you feel heartache as any of your children get older and you realize one day they won’t need you as much, but as a parent to a child with Autism it’s a different kind of broken.
I’m broken for my son. I’m broken for the struggles he faces EVERYDAY with his lack of communication. I’m broken thinking about just how unknown the future is for him. I’m broken as a mother who stays home and does EVERYTHING she can to help both of her boys succeed in life. I’m broken when I see Jase make these HUGE leaps forward in his communication while his older brother struggles. (And then I feel broken by comparing the two of them and not focusing on all the positive of Jase moving forward.)
You see every year it becomes more and more noticeable just how far Brodyn is behind for his age group. When he was first diagnosed at 2 people would say they couldn’t “tell” he had Autism because he was only two and not everyone talks at two. Then he turned 3 and he was a little taller and looked older and still wasn’t talking. Well now he is 4, in preschool, and super tall thanks to his dad, so it really shows.
Although I can see all the ways my son is behind I can also see all the ways he has grown over the last almost year. He is feeding himself now with fingers AND utensils. He can put his clothes on himself and is working towards his shoes and socks. He can ask other people besides myself and his father for help getting things (most the time it’s after we already said no that he tries to sucker someone else into giving in to more chips) He can stay at school or church playroom without crying over separation. He also has an amazing babysitter that he will stay home with and play and have a blast. And he is growing everyday.
He is obsessed with the ABCs and 123s and he can line up the ABCs in order by himself. He is also showing so much growth in his fine motor skills, his oral and motor imitation, and his gestures.
So when I look at the list I made almost a year ago and I notice that not all of the items will be checked off in a couple months, I am still trying to focus on the growth he has made. I am trying to push myself even harder to work with him and his brother on further growth. And MOST IMPORTANTLY I am PRAYING!!! Praying that God gives my son the voice he deserves so that he won’t have to struggle to communicate is whole life. Praying that with that voice given by God that my son will use it to encourage and uplift those around him. Praying that God will use my husbands voice, my voice, and my youngest voice to encourage and uplift Brodyn and those around us. And praying for strength in our family and friends to help us keep moving forward.