AUTISM!!! What a scary word that was to hear as a possible for our son almost two years ago. Letting the possibility of Autism sink in was a rough and long process. Even after our son was diagnosed at just passed two years old it took forever it seemed to let it all in.
To this day I feel like I have to let it in more and more everyday so it doesn’t all swallow me up at once. I’m a planner, researcher, questions asking kind of person so I have to know the ends and outs of everything! Every choice, every vacation place, even small things like clothes to wear I tend to over analyze. But Autism….. ya you can’t do that so much with Autism.
There is no answer to why my son has Austin. No answer to cure it. No answer on if he will ever talk or if he won’t. Will he live with us forever or will he be able to take care of himself. Will he ever potty train and get out of the diapers. When you have or someone you love has Autism and your brain functions like mine, it makes somethings almost impossible.
But what has NEVER, not even a second, been hard is loving my children! In fact everyday my love grows so much more and all I want to do is help them. I want to research until all hours of the night to find they next thing we can try to help our son in any day to day struggles. I want to find answers on how to help him. But at the end of the day all I can do is love him, listen to him, and guide him the best way I can to help him learn and grow.
I feel like everyday I get a little better at this. Everyday I come to terms more and more that things are different then my parenting plan I made years before kids. Everyday I’m able to stop a little longer enjoy the day without so much guilt and worry.
And today was one of those days. My son LOVES chalk right now! Like loves loves and would sleep with it if I would let him. And he is safe in our locked, gated backyard enough to enjoy his time outside with his chalk. It took us a LONG time to get him even interested in any kind of coloring so when I look out back and I see chalk on the fence, windows, toys, and even the house, I’m HAPPY! Happy that my son loves to color now. Happy that he can appropriately play with chalk. Happy he has an activity that he loves that his brother dad and myself can join in with. When I see chalk on every surface he can possibly reach, I’m not mad that it’s all over! I’m not mad that my floors inside are constantly covered in chalky foot prints. I’m HAPPY! Happy that he is growing and learning and HAPPY!
So every night when I go outside to clean it off, knowing that I’m the morning he will have a clean pallet to work with, I’m happy!